I just got home from my parents.
Called TJ for the first time since Poopy started showing signs of struggling…& when he asked how I was…that was when I felt it.
I didn’t realize until I returned to my place this afternoon how much pain I feel at Poopy’s passing.
I didn’t realize until I returned to my place this afternoon that I was trying to be strong for my parents.
I didn’t realize that I have in myself…the feeling of all of Poopy’s suffering in her last hours.
It took for me to be alone…to allow myself to really cry.
I sob & mourn as i write this.
Crying in solitude.
I know this pain carves out a deeper cup of compassion…
…but the carving hurts.
It goes deep to a place that only I & spirit can touch…
…a pain through my chest so deep that it reaches my back.
This peace is a double sided coin.
This peace comes with pain.
I guess this is the reality of peace.
The deeper the love the deeper the loss.
So I let these moments be.
I let these tears flow.
I let these moments come.
& I let these moments go.
I am starting to feel better already….
…through these words I express
…I express through these words.
Ahh the catharsis of expression.
The catharsis of mourning.
The catharsis of MORNING.
There is a part of me that feels a painful peace in this mourning.
But, there is a greater part of me that feels a calm-filled peace in this MORNING.
…This dawning of a new life for Poopy’s spirit.
So in the midst of the pain…I focus on the calm.
In the midst of the grief…I focus on the gratitude.
And in the midst of my mourning…I focus on THIS MORNING.